


those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity

by UnluckiestFridays



Series: Space Wives [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hallucinations, Loneliness, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckiestFridays/pseuds/UnluckiestFridays
Summary: If the Doctor just believes hard enough and indulges the hallucination a little more, maybe it can be like before.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Series: Space Wives [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746439
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you brought some tissues because this going to be sad :'(
> 
> [also, the summary is temporary whilst i think of something better]
> 
> Enjoy :) x

It started the first time she dropped the fam back off in Sheffield for a break. Because her companions need breaks every now and then so they don't forget what their lives were like before. Apparently. She never really got that, though, because how can you forget what your previous life was like? She remembers her life before travelling. Mostly.

But, that's not the point. 

At first, she thought maybe there was something wrong with her current regeneration. After all, she wasn't even supposed to exist considering she's already expended her regeneration limit. And there was that time in her previous regeneration where she stole a bit of sight from her future, though she doesn't see how that could give her visions of her dead wife.

Which is the problem. Well, it's not really a problem of she stops to think about it because it's _River_ and that woman could never be a problem for her. But she just can't see why it's happening or what caused it. She doesn't think regeneration can give your next self hallucinations (she hasn't really heard of anyone who's experienced it, though she knows regeneration isn't so merciful when it comes to mental illness- she's been lucky in her past fourteen bodies to not have ever experienced that), but she still can't wrap her head around it.

It probably doesn't help, she muses, that she keeps indulging her vision of River. She can't help it, though, it gets really boring really quick when the fam aren't there and who else is she supposed to speak to? Herself? No, that will never end well. Last time she did that, she was a he on another planet and he was almost locked away. Besides, she has nothing nice to say to herself anyway.

But River, how can she ever not be nice to River? Despite all her teasing and constant flirting for the sole purpose of flustering her, the woman knows her. Knows exactly what to say and when to say it to keep her mind occupied. Knows her limits, too. She has to admit, her new companions ask a fair few questions- questions she doesn't always want to answer. Questions about her.

But River already knows her and so she doesn't need to ask which means the Doctor doesn't need to answer. She gets to talk about all sorts of things that don't include herself.

And River likes it. She laughs when the Doctor is being silly (it sounds like wind chimes and Christmas come early, all the nice stuff), and she gives her (unneeded) input when the Doctor is doing maintenance on the console, and she even chastises her when the Doctor eats too many custard creams to give her hands something to do.

It's almost like before. Before what happened to the Ponds and before Darillium. 

If the Doctor just believes hard enough and indulges the hallucination a little more, maybe it _can_ be like before.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did y'all think of the new episode? I loved it. Definitely the best one out of this season, i think :) x


End file.
